Nothing's Ever Fair In Our House

I've been so incredibly pleased of late, my 5 year old, Mini-Moose, absolutely adored the 1st day of Kindergarden and my teenager Fab Fabulous is in love, so school has become a dreamy place for him as well, what more could a Mom want?? Well, something in the back of my brain was whispering in an oh so quiet voice, " don't get used to this sort of bliss" but the optimist in me chose to push that nonsense as far into the dark recesses as it would go.

Sure enough, on Wednesday the 3rd day of Kindergarden for Mini-Moose, I made lunches and drove and dropped the kid's off at our favorite K-8, I returned home after a quick stop at our local cafe for a much needed caffeine boost and then received a call on my cell from the aforementioned favorite K-8. The little voice I had so successfully crammed into the back of my mind was now joyfully leaping to the foreground and screaming at me! I made every attempt to continue to ignore that infernal voice and I calmly answered the call.
I was expecting news from the school nurse that Fab Fabulous had tripped and broken a bone while mooning over his new love or that maybe my Mini-Moose had skinned her knee while skipping to the cafeteria, which in her opinion was the coolest place on Earth, I was not however prepared for what came next.

The voice on the other end introduced herself as my Moose's teacher with whom I'd never spoken on the phone, so the intro was a good thing, she then began to tell me that my little girl hauled off and punched another little girl in the nose so hard that the other little girl's nose was gushing like Old Faithful. She was certainly not talking about my child, she was confused or mistaken or on drugs! My kid had never in nearly 3 years of co-op nursery school so much as pushed another child, she was the happiest, friendliest most incredibly care-free child I'd ever known. This is just not a girl who punches other girls in the nose. I was floored! I related all the above mentioned positive qualities of my Moose's personality to the teacher trying to make her understand that there must be a mistake when I heard in the background the dramatic crying and wailing of my child and knew she'd done it.

The teacher assured me that yes, the bloodied nosed child would be fine and that my Moose should remain at Kindergarden til the end of the day. I immediately called DaddyWalrus and tried to explain what was going on but he too was stunned and asked me several times if I was sure I had all the facts, as if I'd been out having a Mojito not a Macchiato. We decided that our Mini -Moose was under more stress than she was letting on and we definitely needed to talk. We also postulated that the other little girl must have done something to provoke the punch, something that was outside the realm of what my kid can normally shrug off or deal with. In other words, it must have been pure reaction plain and simple. There was no malice or forethought and that meant my Moose was not turning into a vicious bully at age 5.

I picked her up that afternoon and she didn't even remember what happened. She certainly remembered hitting the girl but not why or even what caused the incident proving our theory that there was no anger involved, just reaction. We did however talk about things and role played and discussed solutions to various and sundry possible playground situations like, "what would you do if someone came up and kicked you in the knee?". Fortunately all her responses were normal Moose answers.

She came home from school the next day with a glowing report of how "me and the girl I punched are now best friends, Mommy! However,I kept having this one very devious but interesting thought, it kept dancing around the edges of my mind, "my Moose had asserted herself in such a way that nobody was gonna mess with her on the playground!"

My 13 year old male child has been displaying some very curious behavior since school started 2 weeks ago. At first I attributed these changes to a new school year with new classes and fresh new beginnings but as time wore on and these behaviors continued I began to rethink my assessment. Those of you unfamiliar with the ways of young teenage boys let me clue you in; personal hygiene is not high on the list of things to do, neither is homework or anything having to do with work in general. I would have to remind Fab Fabulous to take a shower at least once a week and that yes, after showering, you do in fact need to put on clean clothes. I would also often resort to bribes of sugary treats if he would pick up the dirty socks and underwear from his floor and under his bed, once and a while. I was informed repeatedly by my boy that Homework was the tool of the devil and that teachers had nothing better to do than torture children with the vile concept. Also, in his opinion, school ended when the bell rang at 1:50 PM and home was sacred, not to be defiled by things that had to do with that institution. 

The day school started, my five year old daughter Stella ( Mini- Moose) awoke and skipped to the kitchen to have her 1st day of Kindergarten breakfast, then ran to her room to pick out her very best 1st day of school outfit and then asked me every 3 minutes if it was time to go yet. Whereas, Fab Fabulous moped to the bathroom, refused breakfast of any sort,  growled at his little sister and informed her she was completely twisted to want to go to school and had to be poked repeatedly to move to the stairs and out the door. I was not so gently reminded to be on time to pick him up that afternoon. Ah, another school year had begun I thought to myself.

Things began to change drastically on Wed. the third day of school. Fab Fabulous awoke on time, jumped in the shower, asked for clean clothes and proceeded to style his hair with no less than 3 different hair products! I was certain I had time shifted to an alternate universe or maybe was somnabulent and in someone else's home, this just could not be my family. Knowing better to ask, lest I upset this delicate new routine, I handed him the clean clothes and made his lunch and whisked him and his sister to school.  He came that afternoon and did all his homework without being asked, referred to his daily planner which actually had something written in it and asked me to be sure all his laundry was clean so he could pick out exactly what he was going to wear before he went to bed. I needed a drink, seriously, who took my kid and replaced him with this alien child?

Incredulously, things continued in this vein. I just couldn't ask him what was going on for fear the new Fab Fabulous would become aware that his Mom had noticed and snap back into the old ways.  I have to admit I love my kid no matter what and this new Fab was pretty awesome but he was also kind of freaking me out, just a bit scary and way too perfect. I decided to wait and see what would happen because surely something would prove to be the cause for all this unusual behavior.

Everything became crystal clear yesterday afternoon when after his daily shower and 15 minutes of meticulous hair grooming, we all went to the Back to School picnic in Diamond Heights. Mini-Moose ran to the slide and play structure, DaddyWalrus got in the incredibly long line for free tacos and Fab Fabulous' head was whipping from left to right obviously keeping a lookout for someone. I sat down to watch the Moose cavort in the playground when a very cute girl with long dark brown hair walked up to Fab, greeted him and started making very sparkly  come get me eyes at my boy! Everything fell into place at that moment. All the water, hair products, laundry soap and homework had been for her! I watched as she took off running across the soccer field having Fab Fabulous chase her, they then disappeared behind a stand of trees and right then I knew my 13 year old had his first crush. 

I'm still not sure how or even what to feel other than incredibly amused and somewhat relieved that my kid hasn't undergone some strange personality shift. I do remember my first reciprocal crush on a boy and I kept it a secret from my Mom so the fact that Fab is out in the open with his love life makes me think he really is growing into the confident, self-assured teenager I'd always hoped he'd become.